Sometimes the title is the hardest part of the post, so I’m going simple. Joel has basically been gone since Sunday for work, and I am quite tired. In normal time, that wouldn’t be too bad, but in we-just-adopted-and-kids-aren’t-sleeping time, it feels like an eternity. In fact, two of the three are upstairs screaming right now, but since it’s not James, I’m taking a break.
It has been two weeks since we arrived home with James, and I can’t believe it’s been that long at the same time that I feel as though it’s been much longer. When I see James in our family, I forget that he really hasn’t been here that long; he just seems to fit. On the other hand, I look around our house and can’t believe that we’ve been home two weeks and haven’t completely finished unpacking from the trip. And those of you that know us in real life, know that’s all me and not Joel. I just feel as though I need some kid-free time during the day to get things picked up and cleaned, but I’m not allowed to have that time yet.
Speaking of the cocooning, we are definitely being more laidback about it. After going out a few times, I feel as though I can confidently say that he is attached to us and has no interest in picking out a new parent at church or wherever. In fact he’s actually even more clingy outside the home, and I realized why while I was in bed not sleeping last night (James had a rough night). After him holding fast to me at our moms’ group and again when a friend brought me dinner last night (thanks again, by the way), I realized that he doesn’t know yet that we won’t be handing him off to another mom and dad to start life over once again. I’m sure I should have realized it sooner, but we haven’t been out that much yet. He went from an orphanage to foster care for 6 months and then back to the orphanage, so I’m sure he’s thinking still that we’re just another temporary family. And we don’t have a way to tell him otherwise. Once again it just comes down to love. That’s the only way we can show him now that he’s ours. Forever.
As rough as it is, the sleeping situation is actually getting better slowly. I’m hopeful that we’ll be getting a full night’s sleep or close to it in a few more weeks. Please, Lord! There are a couple other issues, but they’re not things that I’ll discuss publicly. We’re kind of the test generation for raising kids in a world of social media, and I try not to post anything that would really embarrass my kids someday or share things that aren’t mine to share. I do share funny stories and photos, but I try to avoid bathroom stories and things like that. I think of how humiliating it would be if someone shared those stories about me and that my kids will be adults one day, and it’s unfair to put all those private things out there when they’re too young to defend themselves. God has given me their hearts to guard while they’re little, and I want to take that responsibility seriously. I don’t want them to resent me when they grow up and find out that I sacrificed their dignity for laughs. I know I probably haven’t always made the right decisions in this area, but I do try to think about it first. Anyway, how about going off on a tangent? Heh heh. Here are some photos of our week (a couple were already posted on facebook… sorry)!
EDITED TO ADD: Wow, this was kind of a downer post, huh?? That was not intentional, especially since things are getting better and better! I’m a pretty optimistic person, so I’m not sure why the negative keeps getting the attention here. I’m adding in some of the progress we’ve made. Starting on Friday, the kids really started playing together more, and it has been wonderful to see. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but I’m sure it will just continue to improve. Actually I think part of the problem is that Evan and Brenna (mostly Evan) aren’t very good at respecting James’ personal space, and he does not like to be crowded right now. That being said, he’s been laughing with them and running around and enjoying his time with them more and more.